…oh but it is…

I’ve seen a lot of post on Facebook lately touching on the topic “Where did all the good men go…” which got me thinking, these women have no clue that their answer to that does not come with a box of requirements. Fact of the matter is that these women are probably too busy looking when they also don’t have a clue what they are searching for. Keyword: clueless.

Most women with strong personalities know what they want, what type of man they are on the lookout for. If the men they prefer are somewhat like them, then they are probably in the right place to search, then again there are some who scream “scarcity!” in that department.

Just to fully relate specifically on circumstances I’ve stumbled upon, women who have failed relationships over and over are the ones who actually say this. They are victims of unrequited love or sometimes taken for granted or the like. They often get attracted to men who “need help” or for better lack of words, losers. As part of the male species, I feel shame for my fellow-man who are in a relationship but not on top of it. Chivalry is not dead, it is just absent in selected few. Going back, the men who creates a total imbalance in the relationship is the reason women think there’s scarcity. There are a lot of  sausages but few are really franks. Women, (and this can be totally applied vice versa as well) being more emotionally affectionate have what I call the “Evangelist-Savior Complex”. It’s not a medical (psychological) term and I just made it up but for discussion, here’s what it is:

It is the perpetual attraction to someone who needs help or is attractive because of his/her weaknesses. This person has the insatiable desire to be the one to make the other finally happy or successful. This challenges them and continually motivates them.

These women/men will later regret since their chosen partner has weaker will than them. Then the “where did all the good men go..” line becomes tomorrows headline again.

One truth is, good men and women want to settle down because they are high achievers, the go-getters and you will find them in places that have good vibes and where education and self-development takes place, travelling, the office (or busy working), some are mostly at home resting or kicking back with something that makes them even better people. Some express themselves in different ways, you’ll find them immersed in arts, music, sports…I’m not saying good guys that are not in these that I’ve mentioned are not great. Then again, when you ask women/men what their hearts say, you’ll notice a pattern and it does fall in the same space of what I just mentioned.

When women/men want to distract themselves, they go to places where getting into ones personal bubble is fairly easy, getting to know at the 2nd level is not always required and this is NOT just about bars and clubs. Think about it.

A friend also commented on a post that good men that are hard to find are all over the religious groups. The opposite sex sometimes don’t easily get attracted with them since they don’t easily show qualities dictated by media. Not because they are in harmony with their religion means thats all they do. Admit it, you think the naughty stuff is cool to some extent and you want that first before you settle with someone who has already let go of worldly and Godly things.

Lastly, the most common reason they can’t find Mr. Right is the ever popular – “friendzone”. Both men and women will deny ever condemning an opposite sex to the friendzone. Some do this unintentionally  but because people have standards never care to look deeper. Do you know why the underdog story is always popular? Because underdogs are hungrier, they are willing to give everything and charge it to experience.   The people who have had the most and worst rejections are often the most successful. When the underdogs finally figure it out, they have limitless experience and knowledge at their disposal.

I’m sure there are arguable points here and a lot more reasons but a blog can only handle so much. Feel free to agree, disagree, argue or share your own insights.

As a professional, and I’m sure everyone would like to be regarded as one of high class, it is always common courtesy to return/answer a missed call or a text message regardless of its intent. 

You may not always want what’s in store for you on the other end of the line but you are skilled and classy enough to manage it. 

There would be times that we get so busy in life that we forget to respond to important messages. This is just one of the things going on with a professional’s daily grind. We would also be caught doing something important that we need to keep our gadgets and this delays responses to emails, calls and text messages. Most of the time, especially during work hours/days, this can be critical. There are also times these are just personal messages we did not intend to miss.

The reason behind returning a call or SMS, or better yet, answering them is simple: because it might be important. If you were on the other end of the trail, you would hate to be left hanging. You would definitely hate being ignored and this gives you more reason to be responsible in managing these whenever possible. 

How would you feel if in the biggest presentation of your life, your partner didn’t get to print hardcopies for your client, you call the office for backup but nobody answers. You call your partner and doesn’t pick up? Or the only way you can get a client’s answer is through email and you need their answer in the next two hours and get no response. A minute lasts like eternity, right? 

Whatever the reason may be, there is a need to pickup a call, SMS, email, etc or get back as soon as possible. If you are smart and classy enough, you will be able to handle even the worst situation and come out relieved. 

We are professionals, ones of high class. Let us always act like one.

I’ve taken a rest from the corporate world for about 3 months now focusing on my hosting career and it is refreshing. I’ve been on it for almost 7 years now and there’s still a long way to go. The topic just struck me today upon hearing about a former colleague getting demoted. I’m sure demotion rarely happens but it’s always the technical stuff that gets in the way.

From a bottom level encoder, my friend rose up to the ranks with experience and having the “streetwise attitude” and later on became a supervisor. While the pay wasn’t that much, you can tell the difference in rank by the job level you are given. Being more in the office and at the computer means you have more literacy and administration skills, doing the blue collar job stuff means you don’t. It still adapts the old organizational setup and very much patronizes the ones on top but that’s how they saw the system worked. It is just in the Philippines that the level differences are that big.

So I won’t really get into the details of the office problem my former colleague is facing but let’s just say part of the disagreement came from the subordinates’ inability to adapt and follow. I am a firm believer of “lead from behind” meaning, when it is not my turn to lead, I take a step back and follow who is in charge, regardless of the decision. In business, there is no perfect decision. Some leaders may be the greatest but being individuals created uniquely different apart from each other, we were raised and built differently thus, having different ideals and understanding of certain situations. What I’m trying to say is, you’ll not always meet eye to eye but someone is always placed on top and that person calls the shots. If that person isn’t the democratic type, then the rest have to deal.

I also always put in mind the saying “obey first before you complain.” A statement created during my time in ROTC in highschool wherein we had to obey what was commanded regardless of difficulty. It is a soldiers code to obey all commands of a ranking officer. It is highly applicable in real life where everyone complains endlessly. When I remember my days in my last corporate employer, I would always go back to my one-on-one talks with my former manager. It was only the two of us running the department so we had to be tight and work well together. I would always tell my boss that I always love to argue. I have lots of opinions but I also like to be lead. If my boss tells me this and can give me a good explanation why I have to do things a certain way, I obey. Do I agree? Not always, but I obey. When I have exhausted all possible means to the solution that was raised, then I give my feedback and return to my argument not to say “I told you so” but to re-evaluate the situation and make things work. That is the essence of “leading from behind”, you take the backseat first and do what you are told, when things don’t work and you’ve shown that you’ve done all you could, there’s no reason for your commander not to disengage and regroup and most definitely listen to you. This is when people see growth in you. This is how management see the potential leader in you.

An inexperienced worker / employee looks at a manager as someone who “commands” and someone who tells you what to do. They fail to notice that at the end of the day, these managers also have people to answer to. A husband, a wife, a senior manager, and they are expected to be better than their subordinates because they have the knowledge, the experience and leadership to meet their objectives. You have to earn RESPECT and not ATTENTION of your boss, it lasts longer. When you seek attention, you tend to kiss-ass, do things for granted and it is short lived. You get burned out easily because your reason is shallow, but if you work for respect, your dignity is on the line. And if you know how to earn it properly, not by a feud, not by competition, but by setting good examples and working hard, it lasts a lifetime and the impact it creates in the workplace resonates.

So to summarize, the challenge in the workplace for subordinates is to “OBEY BEFORE COMPLAINING”, believe me, it works a lot for you after (regardless of the shit you go through). You earn the RESPECT after that, you GROW and LEARN from the experience, you get GOOD RELATIONSHIP with you boss and they will see how MATURE you are as an employee. Be the example in your workplace for other people and set the bar high.

Being a host, I always get my audience involved. I engage them with the program. They are the program and their opinions will build a bigger stage for me to play in. The better their participation, the smoother my program can run.

So here’s a little clincher that I need to get an outside perspective from.

I grow my facial hair for so many reasons…actually I only (really) have two:
1. People do not take me as seriously because they think I look young(er). This is flattering considering my real age but imagine the disadvantage when I’m in front of clients. If my eyes aren’t expressive enough and not bring much wisdom, then where do I stand? This also surprises some people and get them curious eventually asking me how old I am. when I tell them, imagine the “aha!” moment.

2. I simply have chubby cheeks. With my genetically gifted body (sense the sarcasm), one can only manage so much. When all the fats have gone, my face (the cheeks especially) will still be there. The facial hair distracts the people from looking directly at it noticing my chipmunk cheeks. I was fit 2 years ago and it lasted for about 8 months more and it sucks but what can a middle-aged man do?

I’m also quite torn. Whether performing, hosting, or speaking with clients, people say that it is “corporate” to be neat, same as some women say clean and neat is always good. Then there are some who find the scruffy look more appealing, that it adds character to a person. The term “fear the beard” is not only to put terror on other people but I believe this as a difference in presence. Then again, there are my parents and wife saying that the ‘stache gives my baby facial rashes, when I kiss them it’s “itchy” on the face. It looks cool on photos, makes me look manly and adds a little something extra for my overall look. These things make it hard to decide…Plus, I forgot that it is tremendously painful to shave every after 2 days. Women who shave armpits and crotches will know this, so do men with my same dilemma. It is also expensive on razors.

So here we are. I need to know and basically just want to hear your opinions and suggestions on which is better. Lately, the facial hair has gained back its popularity and I was one of the blessed ones to be able to grow it. It is just difficult to keep up. I am the type who feels that I need to do something different with my look after (maximum) of 2 months.

Is it better grown and groomed or clean and shaved?

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